Nihad Badalov

I’ve always had this huge amount of 20, 30, and even 40-year-olds tell me that I’m a “smart guy” for my age because I’ve thought about who I would marry and what I look for in a future wife.

Now, I am not so sure as I always used to be.


What prompted me to write this blog post was me thinking about whether people can change. I discovered that people can change, indeed! The amount of change one can trigger in a year full of consistent practice is mind-blowing. You might ask: how does that relate to marriage? I’ll tell you.


I always thought of marrying someone intelligent, not ugly (preferably beautiful; P.S. I think it’s definitely not hypocritical for me to say this, because I’ve been working on my appearance too!), with a good moral compass, curious & eager to learn, and, of course, someone who I’d enjoy spending time with. (When someone asked me who I’d marry, my typical answer would be “a diplomat’s daughter,” hahaha!)

I’d always stress the “intelligent” part, because I thought that if you’re not “smart” by your twenties–presumably because you spent your time doing nothing “useful”–then you wouldn’t be a match for me, because that’s not what I did, because we’re not the same, because <insert another prejudice here>.


But:

• Who you surround yourself with plays a huge role in what you become.
• What people say and whether/how you perceive that also plays a huge role.
• Whether/what you were forced to do by your parents also plays a huge role.

Everything plays a huge role in what you become.


But that doesn’t mean you can’t change!

You can, in my opinion, change strongly if you do so (or, especially if you do so) with a person you love (see the Michelangelo Phenomenon).


So, if people can change, if I can change, if any person could change, why would I be so rigid to “lock” my choice only to one archetype of a person? This realization also came to me after looking at people in my English and math classes: after trying to find beautiful aspects of each and every person in my class, I was in awe of how talented everyone is; even some people in my math class who had been slacking have gotten way better. I was shocked, in awe.


So yeah, you won’t have to speak neither my mother tongue nor Russian nor anything–even a single language I can speak is fine. I guess the only thing that would matter is whether you want to learn new things, whether you’re curious–because I am and I am always eager to discover; if so, we’d be a match.


I’m actually shocked by this discovery.


- Nihad Badalov
2025-11-20